


Mycroft's Umbrella

by scuttlesworth



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Brolly - Freeform, Crack, Umbrellafic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-28
Updated: 2012-09-28
Packaged: 2017-11-15 04:48:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/523312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scuttlesworth/pseuds/scuttlesworth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mycroft's umbrella invites speculation wherever it goes. Not even his employees are immune. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Originally posted over on ff.net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mycroft's Umbrella

Mycroft's umbrella is just an umbrella.

Mycroft's umbrella is anything but an umbrella.

Mycroft's umbrella has a little switch and when he pushes it, it opens up and keeps the rain off. It's an umbrella.

Mycroft's umbrella has another little switch which goes from "safe" to "single shot" to "fully automatic". It is hardly just an umbrella.

It only fires tiny little pellets. Hardly worth mentioning.

Tiny little pellets with a lethal dose of toxin impregnated into them. Mycroft is a fan of the clasics.

It's still an umbrella.

A bulletproof one.

Bulletproof fabric does not stop it from being used to keep the rain off.

It has a tracking device.

Any umbrella could have a tracking device.

One that can be tracked from space?

Well. So it's an upgrade. Still just an umbrella.

With a sword in the handle.

Wait, how'd they fit that in with the gun? ...never mind. Still just an umbrella.

It can double as a small satellite dish, in a pinch.

Mycroft never leaves London. He has a cellphone and an assistant with a cell phone and a car wih a phone and a driver with a cell phone and a radio and all of the cctv cameras watching him all the time, just in case he wants to send a visual signal. What possible use is a saellite dish to him? The uselessness of that feature negates its importance- it is, primarily, an umbrella.

There's plastic explosives in the handle.

...of the knife part or the gun part? Never mind, don't answer. So it's an umbrella that can blow up. So?

It has a USB port.

I'm stunned, if by stunned you mean completely not stunned. Everything has a USB port these days. My grandmother has a kettle with a USB port. It's still a kettle, and the umbrella is still an umbrella.

There's a flashlight too. One that you can crank-charge.

Oh, honestly, you're just making this up now.

No, really. You click the handle sideways and you can twist it and there's a flashlight.

I've seen a brolly in Japan that had LED lights all over the underside. Still kept the rain off. Still sold as an umbrella.

The ribs come appart. There's lockpicks in one.

Can you imagine Mycroft needing lockpicks? Really?

Another one has a hypodermic with something nasty in it.

That... I can totally see. But the whole thing, it's still an umbrella.

There's a limit to what you can do to a thing and have it still be what it was to start with.

Yes, but as long as it still looks like an umbrella and keeps the rain off, it is an umbrella.

That's just camoflauge. It's not an umbrella anymore.

Oh for the love of... Listen, it's an umbrella! Give it up. Besides, what else could you call it?

...oh. How long?.. Um. Yessir. Nosir. Nosir! Absolutely sir. Understood. Yessir.

Oh sweet buggery fuck. We were on speakerphone.

I wonder if the umbrella has a suicide pill in it?

...you just called it an umbrella.

Did not.

Did so. I've got it on the surveilance tape.

Fuck.

Ha. Pay up.


End file.
